Who is your favorite Grandchild?

An honest question. Probably one that every child and grandchild wonders. The bold ones explicitly ask this questions.

Some have suggested that it is not really possible to love all your children and grandchildren equally. For example, if we define love as "attention" then I loved my first one the most. He recieved all of my motherly attention (Dobson, 2003). Clearly, there are advantages of being the firstborn. Or it might be the child or grandchild who gets in trouble the most. If we define love as positive feelings, then it might be the child who gets in trouble the least or the one with which I have the most in common. All of these definitions are inherently flawed.

Like I have always said, love is more than just fleeting feelings and cannot be quantified. It is a commitment to seeing the best in a person. Love transforms. When I see the best in one of my children or grandchildren, they begin to see themselves this way. Slowly my loved ones move towards the person they were intended to be, not by me, but by God. Thus, as you can see, it is silly to ask which one I love more.

However, for my readers who are parents and grandparents in the audience, when children ask this question, they are really asking a different question: Am I favored? They want to be favored and preferred (or they want their own children to be favored or preferred). I have found three ways to deal with this question. First, you can actually pick a favorite. This tends to cause problems and I do not recommend it. Second, you can tell your children than you do not have a favorite and that you love them all equally. This approach is effective, especially for kids who are not strong willed. They will take you at your word and find solace in the answer. However, for your children that are strong willed, it comes across as a challenge (i.e., "ok, so you're trying to play that card, but I will wait for a moment of weakness to get you to admit that you really do have favorites"). For the strong will child, I recommend another approach. Third, you can use some vague and secret expression of favoritism (e.g., "we know who my favorite is."). The approach is equally frustrating to the strong willed child, but it shift the onus back to the child. The child has been given exactly what they wanted, but they have not been given quite enough to be able to gloat about it. In fact, if they do, the trap is already sprung, because you have already delivered the same message to your other children. The point is, it doesn't matter what you tell them, just tell them all the same thing. Then, when they gloat to each other, they'll realize that you have shown no partiality. At first, they may feel a little frustrated, but in the end they will be comforted by your strength. If you did pick a favorite, it subtly sends a message, even to the favored one, that it is possible that if they fail, they would cease to be favored. Children are better off when the do not fear that they will lose the favor of a parent.